I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
