i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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