You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
