Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
