i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
