he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this boner is exhausting
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
