Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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