"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Randomize
