ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
