I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
