There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
