Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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