I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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