even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
