Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
