the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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