he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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