moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
