He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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