i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
