what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
