Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There r osticjed everywhere
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
