he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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