im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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