Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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