best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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