I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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