rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
pray to the hookup gods
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
