He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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