Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I AM VODKA MAN
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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