I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
