worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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