So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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