i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
