Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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