Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
