It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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