he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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