I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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