totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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