dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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