I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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