Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
