if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
