They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize