Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is the high leading the old right now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
