Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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