Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
