i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
