so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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