i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
