I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize