I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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