How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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