An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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