suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
