I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
