your thong is hanging out like whoa
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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