So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
