just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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