I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
