Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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