I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His nipple licking is glorious
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
