Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
