A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry about my life...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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