I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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