u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No subtext here. People are naked.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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